Saturday, February 6, 2010

i'm having a really sad day.

loneliness is sort of inescapable in a city where no one actually knows you. i miss being around people that i'm completely comfortable with. i take too long to open up. i cried to myself while i walked through the park with hunter this morning. i felt a bit better afterward. but now, if i let my mind wander, i cant hold them back. the worst part is not being able to call anybody because of the time difference. the only person that would be awake is my brother but my phone won't let me call japan. hopefully i feel better soon; writing this actually just made it worse so i'm going to click publish post now.

3 comments:

pril said...

tor, you are a beautiful flower who needs sun and love to grow (half kidding but 100% true). you will open up, you are open. i cried today too in a city where i know many. i am really sad to read this post, but know that you will get through it. you are so brave. this is so important.
i love you

Lauren said...

hi tor. reading this post made me feel really close to you. lots of imagery in such little space. i know this will sound strange, but thinking of you being in amsterdam and thinking of you being sad and lonely in amsterdam is very alluring. all of a sudden you have gone from being my live friend to being a character i am reading about. and that's what i love so much about reading. characters come alive in your mind, captivate you and make you realize how much beauty there is in everything. am i making sense? you are experiencing something that from this side of the computer is beautiful. on your side, it's shitty.
i love you.

Emilie Jasper-Petry said...

holy, thank heavens for technology. i hope my laptop keyboard is waterproof!

tor i look at your lion everyday on my bedside table. i think it makes so much sense that you picked that image to represent you at this time. i of course think of you every time i look at its strong eyes and think of how adventurous and daring you are to try this new life so independently. your name ain't Tora the Explora in my cell phone for nothing!

it may seem cheezy, but when i was traveling by myself and feeling like i wished i wasn't alone, i would listen to this song on my ipod and it ALWAYS really helped. something about the intro beats, the upbeat tempo, and of course, the lyrics, which you will find in the sidebar. i sincerely suggest instantly playlisting this shit.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEK87G6eEJI

love you tor, go get 'em!